Observations from a career spent in the room. No frameworks. Rarely advice. Just honest writing. Nothing performed.

I went straight into the insurance brokerage business after graduation and was a lost young man for sure. I had just lost my Dad and my guiding light. Here I was, this fragile kid, with a monthly draw of $400, which was a long way from covering my expenses.

Thankfully, through those struggles, and with God’s help, I learned to ask for others’ help early in my career. I learned that even though Dad was not here, there were others that would help me. Not financially, or by buying insurance, but by supporting me when I asked for their genuine help.

At my Dad’s funeral, there was a man named Jules Lehman, who owned a very successful business. While people were paying their respects, Mr. Lehman came up to me and said if he could ever help me, just to call.

So in my struggles, I called Mr. Lehman, and he allowed me the opportunity to come by. I quickly understood that selling him insurance was not the type of help he was referring to. Knowing that, I went on to visit with him about my struggles. Mr. Lehman said, “If you want to figure out how to do better, go find someone who has been doing well and study what they have been doing. Learn what you can, but then call them to learn more.”

When I asked, “Mr. Lehman, why would these successful insurance producers talk to me?” he said, “For the same reason I am talking to you – you asked for my help!”

That led me to really study the successful producers and reach out to them. I was amazed at what I learned, but even more amazed at how helpful all these excellent producers were.

For example, I had heard about a producer in Houston, TX, named Jack Dulworth. His story resonated with me greatly, so I read all I could about him. He struggled for years, but his determination turned him into one of the most successful insurance brokers in America. One day, I called and asked if Mr. Dulworth was there. They said no, but asked who I was and why I was calling. I gave them my name and said that I was a struggling insurance broker who was inspired by Mr. Dulworth, and was wondering if I could get his help. They took my number, and I was hopeful he would call.

Later that day, my phone rang. When I answered it, the voice said, “Hello Frank, this is Jack Dulworth. I hear you called me about getting some help, so what can I do for you?” That call, to one of the largest producers in the country, asking for help, led to many visits over the next months. That call helped change the trajectory of not just my career, but my life.

There are so many others who helped change things in a great way for me because I asked for their help. Five words – “Can I get your help?” – can change everything.

In today’s world, when answers seem easily accessible over a phone or computer, the answers that come from the help of a person are still the ones that stick and are priceless. So, quit the heavy search for the answer and go find someone who might be living the answer, and ask, “Can I get your help?”

I Am an AND Guy

Someone said it to me years ago and it stuck: stop forcing yourself into either/or.

His point was simple. Most of the time when you think you’re facing a choice between this or that, you’re not. You’re just not yet seeing the path to both.

I heard it constantly in my sales career, and said it myself more than once: Does the organization want me to take care of my clients or go after new business?

Wrong question. That’s like asking whether you should be a good spouse or a good father. There’s only one right answer: you figure out how to be both.

The either/or framing feels like it clarifies things. It doesn’t. What it actually does is send you looking for someone to blame for having to choose. The organization. The situation. The timing.

Nobody’s the villain. You just haven’t found the AND yet.

This matters more now than it ever did. The pressure to pick a lane is real.

Being an AND guy isn’t about doing everything at once. It’s about refusing to give up ground you don’t have to give up.

Most of the AND is still there. You just have to go find it.

“If the friends are just people you do things with, and not people you share feelings with, that’s a fairly thin definition of friends.”

Reed Hasting 

Today I walked into a closet loaded with books, many of which are “be better” books. Good to Great, Atomic Habits, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and plenty more. Whether about becoming a better person or building a better business, that closet is a shrine to self-improvement.

Funny thing though. I haven’t picked up a new one in a long while. And here’s what’s even funnier: I’m probably not any better for it, but my life isn’t any worse either. I think I hit “be better” book overload a few years back. That’s right around when my reading shifted toward fiction and non-political biographies, and I haven’t looked back since.

Don’t get me wrong. I can find plenty of places to improve. I just find myself wanting to discover them through real conversation and lived experience rather than 300 pages of someone else’s framework.

Then I jumped on LinkedIn, and there it was. The same closet, just digital. Getting a be-better book published is hard. Publishing a be-better post takes about four minutes. I’m not saying those posts aren’t helpful, but they carry something books don’t. Books ask you to use your imagination when placing yourself against the ideas on the page. Social media hands you the comparison pre-packaged, scripted, photographed, and filtered for maximum effect.

I’m not swearing off self-improvement content forever. But for me, sometimes the quickest path to feeling bad about myself is reading all the reasons why I should.

Take care.

I woke up this morning and looked at my calendar. It was blank. Open. Not a thing on it.

Instead of feeling the day was mine to fully pursue and do as I choose, I felt anxious. Seeing nothing on the calendar had me unsettled. Nothing scheduled to achieve, nothing to accomplish, no plans where I could make a difference.

Most days have something on them. Many days in my past had no open slots at all. But not this day. Just a column of times on the left with nothing to their right but white space.

In that moment, the negative thoughts crept in and for a brief moment I lost myself in that blank calendar.

And then came one of those appreciated long pauses. A calming, reflective pause that led me to ask:

 Is the ability to have a blank calendar, without expectations or consequences, one of the greatest achievements of all?

Think about that for a moment. We spend years, often decades, working, striving, and grinding precisely so that one day we might have control over our own time. We chase that freedom like it’s the finish line.

There’s something almost ironic about that. We achieved our way to freedom, and then don’t know what to do with it when it is an open calendar sitting right before our eyes.

Maybe instead of anxiety, that blank calendar deserves something more. Just maybe, it is the proof that time, more than ever, is mine.

I recently worked with a gentleman who has had a long and successful career. He was praised by the organization for his leadership, client retention skills, and appreciated by those at the firm for his genuine caring nature. But when he looked at himself, he was disappointed with where he was. Why? Years ago, his primary goal was to bring in new clients for his firm and his family. He achieved that in spades over those prior years, but now, in his latter career years, he was beating himself up and feeling discontented because he wasn’t adding as many new clients. He was overlooking all that he is today and focusing only on how his achievements of yesterday were not being achieved today.

Once he truly understood his worth to the firm – his leadership, his mentoring of newer producers, and his vast value to the culture of the firm – he was able to reset what fulfills him today, which is helping others and his firm accomplish great things.

Someone once said, “Yesterday’s trophies don’t win today’s prizes.” That may be true, but trying to repeat those same accomplishments that won those past trophies today might ignore all the greatness that is present in you and be the source of today’s discontent.

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